Date #5 – Steve, Night Club Owner

How We Met

I met Steve online a few weeks ago. I noticed that he had viewed my profile a few days prior but never sent a message. I knew why he didn’t send a message; it was because he lived in Illinois and I lived here in Atlanta. That's stopped me a couple of times from contacting someone that I have found interesting but sometimes you have to just go for it. I assume that he too had saw where I had viewed his profile because almost immediately, I received a message from him. Instantly my heart fluttered. I’m usually not the type of person that believes that distance is a problem when it comes to finding the right person that fits into your life. Relationships are a two way street as we all know and if you both understand your parameters and you both want the same thing and the feelings are right, then you work at it.

His message read:

“You are one beautiful black woman! Why do you have to live so far away?”

I chuckled to myself because I damn near thought the same, (sans the “beautiful black woman” thing) 'this is one fine ass white guy but dammit why does he have to live in Illinois?'

Steve’s profile read that he was 39, 6’4”, 235 lbs, business owner, no kids, and looking for someone to marry… which clearly set off bells of bliss!!! He was damn near perfect! Notice I said “damn near”. The fact that he had pictures of himself close to naked on his profile, was one thing that kind of stuck in my craw. I never understood why people posted photos of themselves like that. It’s a bit different for men that do it, but the women that put up profiles with photos of their asses exposed, bent over, or in revealing lingerie are usually saying something like, “I’m a very classy and sophisticated woman. I respect myself and my body and I’m looking for a God-fearing man who will do the same.” HUH? *blank stare*.

We exchanged messages for a bit and he finally decided that he’d like to converse over the phone. I sent him my number and he called about two hours later. Our first conversation was brief. He wanted to call before he went to bed because he had an early morning the next day. Our second conversation was better and more in depth. We talked about his club, why he was still single, his family and whether he was truly ready to settle down.

“I know I’m ready! I'm 100% positive!” he said. “I’m tired of coming home to an empty bed.”

“You’re bed being empty… that’s what makes you think that you’re ready to settle down?” I asked.

Laughing, he says, “Noooo sweetie, I’m just saying, I’d like someone to come home to; someone to share my days, nights and in between time with. It’s hard knowing that you’re a good guy, but so many women are damaged and mistrusting that they take every little thing out on you.” He continues, “That’s why I’m taking my time and not just settling down with just anyone.”

Okay, I can dig that. I’m pretty much the same way. I’ve been through some real doozies in my life as well, so I can definitely see where he’s coming from. I heard a statement one time that resonated so loudly in my mind. It said:

“The hardest thing for a woman is to be with a good man when she’s had a bad one.”

How ‘bout 100 bad ones versus the one or two good ones? Then where does that leave you? He asks me if I’m ready to settle down, and of course I respond with a resounding “Hell yeah!”

“What makes you ready to settle down Candy?” he asks. “You said that you haven’t been in a real relationship in over 13 years. Do you think you can handle a relationship at this time? Being by yourself for such a long time, I'm sure you're pretty set in your ways by now.”

At first, I was a bit offended, but if I was going to get my love life in order, I had to be honest with myself. True, I haven’t been in a serious, monogamous relationship in 13+ years, so what makes me think that I could handle being with one person and giving my all to that person? But how will I continue to grow as a partner unless I’m in a situation like that? Dating is one thing; but being exclusive with someone is a whole different ball game.

“I know what I’m capable of Steve.” I respond. “I know that I have the capacity to love and see a person through all of their faults.” I continue, “We’re all a mess. How are we to grow in relationships if we’re constantly putting our lives on hold because we’ve had extended periods without a steady mate? I can easily say what I will/will not deal with from a man but that’s from a dating perspective. The dynamics change when you get into a relationship. I know the things that I want from someone that is my partner and not just someone that I’m dating.”

*Silence*

“Hello?” I say. “Steve? You still there?” Did this mofo hang up on me?

“Sorry, yeah, I’m here.” He replies. “Candy, I need to see you.”

"Huh? Ruhh rhooh" *in my Scooby Doo voice*

“Can I fly you here to Illinois?” He asks. “Well, you’d have to fly into St. Louis, but that’s fine. I’ll pay for your ticket.”

I’m shocked and excited at the same time, but I can’t let this happen. It’s too soon to be having that conversation. Plus, I’d rather be on my own turf when meeting him. I’ve been in situations where I’ve gone to another state to meet someone I met online and it didn’t turn out so well. Ex-girlfriends, baby mamas, wives, and any other dramatic scenarios that you can imagine have happened and I’m not even trying to experience none of that crap again.

“Well, if anything, I’d rather you come here.” I say half expecting a rebuttal from him. Surprisingly, he instantly accepted the offer.

“That’s fine. I have some buddies that live there that I haven’t seen in a while. I could come visit them and see you while I’m there.” He offers. “How is a week from today?”

*Wide eyed*… “Uhhhhh…”, was all I could muster at that moment.

“If that’s too soon, just let me know. I can come anytime.” He said.

To heck with it. What did I have to lose? Not one damn thing. It wasn’t like he was coming to move in, so why the hell not?

“Cool… that’ll work.” I reply. “Just let me know when you’ll be here and we’ll go from there.”

“Awesome!” he said. “Let me make a few phone calls and I’ll call you back.”

We hang up and I go about my evening not expecting to hear from him for at least a few days. Much to my surprise, around midnight, he calls me back telling me that he’s booked a flight to arrive in Atlanta on Sunday at 9 in the morning. WOW!!!

“You weren’t playing were you?” I laugh.

“I told you, I’m a man of my word. I don’t like to beat around the bush and waste time.” He said matter of factly. “When I find something that piques my interest, I do my due diligence to make sure it’s going to be worth it. If that means a quick turn-around trip, then so be it.”

Nothing like a man that means what he says and says what he means. We talk everyday for the next week. We even have several Skype sessions that blow me away. Monday is here before I know it.

The Date

Coming off of such a horrible experience with date #4, I welcomed my next date with Steve with open arms. He called me Sunday when he got in and settled at his friends house and wanted to see me that day. Unfortunately, I had already made plans with el-doucherino extraordinaire, Malcolm. You know how sometimes you just wish that you had that magic 8-ball with the “Yes”, “No”, “Get the fuck outta there” and “Run Forest… Run” replies??? I wish I had one of those before that fourth date.

We made plans to see each other after I got off of work. I didn’t want to go too far from my house, so we met at a small little sports bar called Mazzy’s Sports Bar & Grill down the street. I was a bit late arriving due to the traffic but he wasn’t bothered. I immediately spotted him sitting at a table. White fitted Yankee’s cap turned backwards, white v-neck tee showing all of his chesticles (yes, I know that isn’t a real word but nothing else describes a man with a chest like his), navy Abercrombie &Fitch jacket, nicely fitting blue jeans and white and blue shell top Adidas sneakers. Oh how I was in love with this man's style already.

As I approached, he stood up to greet me with one of the warmest bear hugs ever. Once again, a man that smells good is one of my biggest turn ons, and he definitely smelled yummy!

He pulled out my chair for me to sit down and had already ordered me a water with lemon. How easy it would be for me to fall for this man… *sigh*, But, I maintained my senses and commenced with finally seeing him and what he was about face-to-face.

Our conversation was light and easy. We talked about the Super Bowl and who his favorite team was and who my favorite team was. We talked about all of the hokie commercials and which ones we liked and didn't like. We talked about the friends that he was staying with and how they wanted to come to the bar but he wanted to meet me alone. I asked him if this was his first time being interested in a black woman?

“Are you kidding me girl? I love all women. I’m more attracted to black women though.” he said. “But where I’m from, most of them are really hood and don’t have much going for themselves, or they don’t date white men, so it’s pretty hard.”

I’ve heard that last part before from several guys that I had dated in the past. I told him like I told them,

“You’d be surprised at how many black women are coming out of that.” I said. “They're learning slowly but surely that they shouldn't limit themselves to just one pool of men. I’ve never been one to limit myself on love when it came to ethnicities. My family is one big melting pot. And besides, we can’t help who our heart is drawn too.”

“You’re exactly right Candy.” He admitted. “Have you dated many white guys in the past?”

I thought about it, and there weren’t many, but a few. 

“Not a whole lot to be honest. I’ve dated five since I’ve been in Atlanta. All really great guys and I still speak with a few but not on that level anymore.” I said.

He laughs and I look at him quizzically. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Nothing really. Just wondering if you dated average white guys or wiggers” he said.

I have an aversion for wiggers. Call it what you want and say what you will but I dislike when a white guy tries to fit in by taking on the persona of a black guy. Now, if he has grown up in a predominately black neighborhood and that’s all he has been around his whole life… ehhhh… okay… fine. But if he is from the suburbs and what he is trying to emulate is only what he has seen and never been around, that’s where I take issue. Be yourself. I don’t care who you are, but just be you.

“All of the white guys I’ve dated have seemingly been average white guys… just like you.” I say. “They put on no fake attitude or behaviors other than who they have presented themselves to be most of their life.”

“So why have none of them worked out? What was the problem?” he asked.

I hated admitting this, but it was the truth and a bit hurtful because it always brought me back to reality and reminded me of where I lived.

“Well, most of them had never been with a black woman and wanted to know what it was like.” I admitted. “I’m not trying to be someone’s experiment or fetish. I’m not trying to introduce you to the dark side. You can do that with someone else who’s curious about being with someone who’s white, just not me.” I stated.

“Really?” he said surprised. “They’d NEVER been with a black woman?”

“Uhhh, no!”. I said. “Look where I live Steve! I'm in the south. Also, two of them ‘liked’ me, but they didn’t know how they would explain it to their friends or family. If you’re too worried about what others will think about YOUR LIFE then I can’t do nothing with you or for you.”

He sat there nodding in agreement. He grabbed my hands across the table and looked me straight in the eye,

“Just know that I don’t give a damn about what anybody has to say or think. I run my own life. I like who I like and no one has to like that shit but me. Do you hear me?”

Uhhhh… yeah dude… I hear you! LOUD…AND…CLEAR!!!

I nod because I didn’t know what to say. What was he saying? Is he saying that he’s feeling me? Is he saying that he wants to see where this goes? Am I putting the cart before the horse and letting my thoughts and assumptions get the best of me? I’d go for the latter here but whatever.

“I like you Candy.” *BOOM!!!* *POW!!!*  Well there’s my answer… partly. “I want to see how far this goes. I want to really get to know you.” he said squeezing my hands in his.

“Hold up, we’ve been here all of an hour.” I interrupt. “What makes you so sure that you want that?” I asked.

“Because I know me. I know what I like… I told you that before.” He answers. “So, what do you think?”

That’s a lot to take in. I was only expecting for us to meet this one time, maybe talk on the phone a few more times, and this whole thing kinda fade away gradually.

Just as I was about to respond, the door of the bar opens and in walks the douchiest of all of all the douchebags, Malcolm. I close my eyes and think to myself that there is no effing way, this dude is here right now. Please Lord tell me this is some kind of sick "got'cha" joke! Silently saying a prayer that he didn’t walk over to my table, I turn my attention back to Steve. Much to my chagrin, this jack-hole decides to take the seat right across from me. I take a breath and try to continue with my conversation.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks.

“Nothing.” I say. I wasn’t going to tell him about my ordeal with Malcolm from the previous day because it just wouldn’t look right. But Malcolm is such a jackass that I just had a feeling that he was going to somehow say something about yesterday. I had to beat him to the punch.

I lean over to Steve, “See the guy sitting here to my right in the blue puffy vest?” I say slightly motioning towards Malcolm. Steve doesn’t even look his way giving an indication to Malcolm that he knows he’s there, but he nods. “A friend of mine tried to set me up with him and it went horribly and I just really can’t stand the kid!” I say between clenched teeth.

Steve sits back in his chair and acts like he’s looking around the room but takes a look at Malcolm. I quickly look around and my eyes glance across Malcolm and he gives me the “head nod” of acknowledgement. 

Great!

I just know he’s about to say something off the cuff and fuck this shit up for me!

“So how long ago did you see this guy?” Steve asks.

I hate lying! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! You tell one lie, then you have to tell another and another to keep them all going. I’m old, and my memory ain’t that good. I don’t take my gingko biloba or fish oil pills like I should so I can’t remember shit anymore. I tell Steve the truth.

“Yesterday.” I shamefully admit.

My heart is racing. My face is getting flushed. My underarms begin the initial stings of sweat. I just know this man is about to go back on everything he said before this assturd walked in.

He shrugs it off, “No worries babe. That was yesterday. This is today and you’re here with me right now.” He says as he squeezes my knee under the table. “Besides, we’re not together… yet.” He winks at me.

I am once again shocked! I just knew this was about to be the end. Not long after, Malcolm and his friend get up and take up seats at the bar and I’m instantly relieved. Me and Steve finish up our food and drinks and head out. We spend a few more minutes outside conversing before I leave. I haven’t been to the gym in two days and I had to make it that night.

We hug one more time and I damn near didn’t want to let go. It was such a fun and relaxing date. Total opposite of the day before. It seems like every other date is a good one right? I get home and have a voicemail on my phone. I didn’t even hear it ring, but it’s Steve telling me that he enjoyed himself and that he was going to try to see me before he left town on Wednesday. Seeing as though I don’t have a date lined up (yet) for Tuesday, I agreed. So I’ll be seeing him again J